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Feeling Bored in Your Relationship?

Bored couple, husband and wife in bedroom
Bored couple, husband and wife in bedroom using personal electronics devices

Feeling Bored in Your Relationship?

Your relationship is going well. You’re settled, things don’t really grate with you. However, you’ve just lost that sparkle. It’s not serious enough to seek therapy. If you’re feeling bored in your relationship, you can mistake that for feeling unhappy in your relationship.

How Can I Get Back on Track?

I’m going to share some new insights I’ve got from reading The Upside of Downtime, by Sandi Mann. In short, we get used to passive forms of stimulation. Therefore relationships then become less novel.

Stimulation is important in a relationship. For example, the Wobbly Bridge Study demonstrated that participants on the wobbly bridge were more attracted to each other than those on the solid bridge.

Stagnating and Cheating

People are stagnating, not going out with each other or engaging in new things. They may cheat on each other because they are bored. It’s not always because they are unhappy. Couples complain to me that they aren’t going out. They’ve lost interest in doing things together. This means they’re not talking to each other. Boredom sets in as they are always doing the same things.

What Affairs Mean

Excitement, obsession, novelty, freedom,

Smartphones and Technology

I realise I do that too, I’m addicted to my smartphone. Much of my life is through a screen. This lowers my boredom tolerance. It also dulls my experience of life.  Click here to find out more about the harmful effects smartphones have on relationships.

What causes boredom?

If you’re feeling bored in your relationship, it can be down to a lack of meaningful stimulation and habituation. This means our initially sexy, confident, amazing partner is no longer exciting to us.

If  You’re Feeling Bored in your relationship, How Can You Renew Your Interest in Your Partner?

The advice I am giving seems like common sense, but can give surprising results:

  • ·Go on a spontaneous date
  • · Share new experiences
  • · Try something new in bed
  • · Do things apart. Then you will miss each other.
  • · Have a laugh together
  • · Encourage your partner

All these things improve the quality of your relationship, even it is already mainly going well. They can also really simple to put into practice. If you do them and find you are still struggling, consider coming for couples counselling.