Relationship Problems Helped by Counselling
People, whether in monogamous or open relationships, can come with all manner of relationship problems.
Part of our assessment session will be to identify whether it is a joint problem or whether it is an individual problem that is impacting the couple. Relationship problems helped by counselling include:
Lack of Successful Communication:
Couples frequently experience a lack of successful communication, where you don’t feel heard and understood, and can’t hear or understand your partner. Couples counselling can greatly help improve how you talk together and make it safe again to communicate.
Lack of Intimacy:
Relationships often feel a loss of love, from the whirl of infatuation to finding yourselves as companions or like flat-mates. Comfortable together, but not really close. Relationship counselling can bring you back in touch with what it was that first brought you together.
Many people aren’t comfortable sharing their emotions or even having them. But emotions are central to how couples communicate, how we know if we’re doing the right thing, or not. Couples therapy can make it safe to share emotions, and emotional literacy work can quickly help remove the fears about being emotional.
This can feel very painful, many couples find it awkward to talk about. Too little or too much, or a mismatch of sexual desires can undermine one of the important glues than hold a loving relationship together.
These can be very difficult to talk about and can be filled with shame and guilt. Counselling can create a safe, judgement-free space where we can sensitively explore these issues.
Anger, fear, bitterness, walking-on-eggshells, even the threat of violence or an angry tantrum all have a corrosive effect on a relationship.
Couples therapy can help you look past the content of each angry exchange, and instead examine the process – not the “what”, but the “how” you argue, to untangle how you become so tangled up.
Not Knowing How To Separate Well:
Going your separate ways and separating well can be the best thing for a relationship. Divorce is easy to do badly, with bitterness and anger and unreasonable behaviour. It can cost many thousands of pounds. It can cause much wounding.
If there are children involved, it can hurt massively and detracts from putting them at the heart of any settlement.
Relationship counselling can work to help you separate gracefully, and to create a new relationship for the children. You do not have to end up bitter enemies.
Jealousy, Over control or lack of control:
Counselling can help you look at the fears that drive controlling behaviour and the beliefs they tend to cause a lack of control. Here’s a link to a video where I explain what jealousy is.
Lack of Joy:
When you find your Prince or Princess, it’s usually the end of the story. You are just meant to live happily ever after. But joylessness in our hyper-busy, stressed, overcommitted lives is quite common. Counselling together can examine priorities and work to create a space where joy in each other can flourish again.
No longer a team anymore:
You pick each other as partners with the very best of intentions. However, events and personal agendas can change the dynamic. This is one of the relationship problems which can be helped by counselling. Do you feel like you are no longer working together? Couples counselling can check what’s drawing you together. It can also show what’s pushing you apart so that you can be clear if you’re a team or not.
Struggling to commit:
Both short-term and quite long-term relationships can struggle to commit, whether the commitment is to live together, get married, or have children. Couples counselling can help you honestly explore and face up to the things that are dividing you and analyse where the gulf is, and how it might be bridged.
Is this as good as it gets? This is commonly called a mid-life crisis but can happen at any age. It can lead to serious relationship problems if left unchecked. Have the rails been set in stone and your life on a one-track journey to old age? Relationship counselling can help challenge you to either change your life, or accept your life as actually pretty good, or create a new life for yourselves.
Got married and it didn’t improve the relationship:
Sometimes long-term partners decide to get married in the hope that it will bring them closer together. If it hasn’t worked, you may want ideas to help you to make sense of your relationship. What do you enjoy doing together? How does it your individual and joint needs?
The Impact of Having Children:
So much of your hopes and desires, and effort and resources can be invested in trying for a child. Fertility treatments, miscarriages and difficult births can have a profound impact on a couple. While the birth of a baby can utterly change the relationship of a coup
This is a common relationship issue which can be helped by counselling. When you learn to adjust to these changes, you start to deal with the problems they generate together. Instead of blaming each other for having a different parenting style, you can welcome the support and perspective of a different view.